watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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