just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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