she woke up with a sticky ear
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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