just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My bed smells like the plague
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