maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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