i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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