i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
