I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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