I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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