I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
