I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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