WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
