No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
