i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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