he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
