Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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