in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
