party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
