Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
