He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
