none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
