We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
