dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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