he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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