Yo dont text me then not text me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
