We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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