Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
