When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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