i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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