he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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