you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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