New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
