just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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