where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
