I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Mom said you looked used
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
