I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
