Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
