I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize