He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
