Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
