Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
