Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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