Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
