Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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