Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ladies don't puke and tell
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
