Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
this hospital has no fireball
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
