i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
