Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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