i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
pray to the hookup gods
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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