Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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