Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
