I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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