Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
