just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
