I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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