Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize