I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
