YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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