well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He felt like a one man threesome
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your cock deserves a montage
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
