I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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