i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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