Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
