I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
