Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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