does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
