her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
