you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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