You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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