I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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