just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
