Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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