I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
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Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.