i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.