He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
