And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Found your dick twin last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.