I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway