Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
